I discovered this week that, previously unbeknown to me, TWWMTHK has been reading my match reports. She has, (rather extraordinarily for those of my readers who know her well) quite suddenly become practised in navigating round the club website. I've no idea how she has worked out how to do it and I'm sure it happens very irregularly during the week on those rare occasions that she doesn't have her head in an oven. However it's definitely not a good development, is something that I need to be wary of and will cause me to exercise especial caution in drafting the copy that fills this space.
I know when she's done it because the immense effort of locating the correct team's report causes her to become quite flushed and she tends to look quite guilty. We have an ongoing relationship of sorts (for the moment at least) but it is, nonetheless, one that I value because it has meant I haven't had to cook a meal for over 40 years. I do get a bit of flak for that from the rest of the family which I don't really understand but put up with. It works.
She came back from the club this week foaming at the mouth complaining that the sum up machines had packed up - because the clubhouse wi-fi had crashed.
What do you do when that happens? Summon Dunners obviously. Where is Dunners at the moment? Italy - yes Italy. You really couldn't make it up.
I only know because I had called him earlier in the week for a quick chat about the 2's team for Saturday which was hemorrhaging players quicker than P and O was losing employees. "I'm in Italy, Pads" was the response as if that meant he was thus incapable of coherent speech or should I say more incapable than usual.
Then the penny dropped with me. Of course we're playing South Berkshire this week and Dunners traditionally takes that Saturday off. He calls it South Berkshire Saturday.
It was Christmas shopping last time we played South Berkshire and this time he's apparently on a Grand Tour of Europe. What next one wonders.?
I'd call the current jolly "galavanting" (definition for Brookes students:: "to roam about in search of pleasure or amusement") - which goes straight to the top of my favourite words list.
So to Saturday's hockey
We staggered through the week with players falling by the wayside with illness, injury, foot and mouth - you name it this club has had it.
The weekend arrived with Grouty emailing in sick with a sore throat on Saturday morning and any other symptom you care to name but heroically offering to play come what may. At least the fact he had also lost his voice promised a reduction in the number of green cards we were likely to receive in the game for inappropriate chat. Every cloud....
As usual in the absence of our muse I had prepared a master plan for the squad so was staggered when himself messaged from "a train to Bari and Matera" with his game plan obviously put together on the back of a fag packet while enjoying a double expresso. Talk about Brass Neck.
Having given the Dunleavy master plan appropriate consideration (I choose my words carefully) it was off to BRN in the company of the legend that is Van the Man. Don't mess with a tried and tested regime!!
Essential that we win and Basingstoke draw/lose to keep our slender hopes of promotion alive.
We did 3-2. So did they 8-0.
A pretty decent performance from the boys with goals from Grouty, Benji and the ever reliable Lewis, a rock solid debut from Rory Middlemiss and a reliably resolute return from Robbo.. Sadly, however, not enough to claw back the damage done by drawing against sides we should have stuffed earlier in the year.
A visit to Eastcote on Wednesday evening will determine whether we can go through the entire League programme undefeated and possibly set a record of being the only unbeaten side to miss promotion - that really would be a sickener !!!!!
Oh - and to be fair to him Dunners managed to fix the club Wi Fi from his hotel room in Italy. He never fails to astonish.