Hawks 2's 3 Old Merchant Taylor 1's 1 (Windsor Lewis, Gurden 2). Did I really write that? I've delayed this week's report because I've been questioning my sanity. I'm wondering whether a visit to the shrink is required.
Gurden 2?. Fact or fiction, truth or imagination, reality or myth??
I'll try it another way. On Saturday the men's 2's beat Old Merchant Taylors 1's by three goals to one. Ian Gurden, native of New Zealand, scored two goals.
Did that actually happen? I seem to recall it so it must have done but, seeing it written down in black and white, it beggars belief.
Even so I'm sure I recall someone congratulating him on his brace after the game but, so infrequently does he propel the ball in the direction of the goal he confessed he doesn't know what a brace is. Well he does now.
What I do recall is that the 2's played rather well - but only for 10 minutes or so - directly before half time when three goals in total were scored and Old Merchant Taylors obliged by imploding. So, 3-0 at the interval and even the 2's weren't able to contrive a visitors recovery from that unpromising position.
Having said that the majority of the game was mostly a morass of mediocrity but if anyone had offered me three points before the match I'd have ripped their hand off.
The Kiwi was very pleased with himself - if a little shellshocked.
Otherwise not much of note occurred except that the clubhouse was rocking with much festive cheer being displayed and much festive beer being imbibed. It put me and Boggs in mind of days of yore. In fact I'd go so far as to say the club has its social mojo back. It's a very good place to be this season, with or without the Falcons, who seem to be even older than they were last year.
The only other notable performance of Saturday came from Windows who managed to top his recent mentions in despatches - viz 1) falling off his bike with his feet clipped in and suffering concussion and 2) forgetting that he was still wearing his team shirt after last week's game and thus failing to put it in the team bag.
This time, in a desperate effort to redeem his damaged reputation he apparently decided to sweep up no less than four team shirts with a view to putting them safely in the team bag for washing. Unfortunately he placed them temporarily on the shelves in the clubhouse foyer and then forgot about them completely - no doubt overwhelmed by the quality of the Penne Bolognese produced by the woman who manages the kitchen. It caused your correspondent to have a major breakdown, who on arrival at the washing machine at home discovered there were only 12 shirts in the bag - a reaction that I managed with my customary calm. Words fail me - what will he do next?
Never a dull moment.