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Maidenhead master Men's 2's with reasonable comfort

24 November 2018, 13:30, Banbury Road North (Near)

Men's 2s 0 - 2 Maidenhead Men's 1s

I've overheard people carping recently that my reports only cover events on the pitch towards the end of the so called match report and, even then, only in the last 2 or 3 lines.So (I'm really trying to avoid using this wretched word) in deference to these whingeing willies I will formally record that on Saturday the League leaders Maidenhead scored 2 good goals and Hawks 2's scored none. That didn't come as a complete surprise as they had 16 players and we only had 12 -  which was obviously very unfair.

Also we never really looked like scoring despite having quite a lot of possession especially in the second half. Interestingly I note Maidenhead have won 8 matches in the league so far - all of them, bar one, by 2 goals exactly. So I knew that if we didn't score they wouldn't either because Lee, their coach, obviously tells them to ease off as soon as they go two goals up (which I think is a bit cheeky) - so we could all have gone home at half time. So (Oh Hell No!!! I just can't help myself) does that satisfy you critics - that's two entire paragraphs on a thoroughly unproductive match for the 2's - more than enough.

Lee is actually OK and I had a good chat with him at the bar after the game. We spoke directly to each other and maintained eye contact. Neither of us revolved or swivelled or shifted in our seats even when we had a mild disagreement. "Here he goes again" I hear the carpers say, "What the Hell's all this about?"  Well I'll tell you . It's all part of my campaign to promote accurate reporting of events that happen in real life - because there is much to be done.

For example if I was reporting our conversation as it occurred - which I'm clearly not going to do, am I, because it involved a bit of criticism of hockey clubs who aren't anything like as good as Hawks (or Maidenhead possibly - although I wasn't too sure about that). But if I were reporting it verbatim it would go something like:- Lee said this and I replied that so I said this and Lee responded and I said... etc. etc. You see what I mean.?? But 95% of the population would report it like:- Lee said this and I turned around and replied that and Lee turned around and said this and I turned around etc.etc.etc.

But we didn't as I've explained above - turn around that is - because why would we?? Why would we turn around ?. I didn't even consider turning around - at no point. It would serve no purpose at all and more importantly it never happened. So why say it did - as people do. It's inaccurate, purposeless and if you did it a lot would make you feel giddy and sick. And most people don't like feeling giddy and sick unless they are very drunk which I concede can be quite fun.

And for the record the clubhouse was packed - lots of people were engaged in conversation with each other but no-one was turning around or swivelling. You would certainly notice if everyone was doing it but in real life it very rarely happens so why do people pretend otherwise. I find it a bit disturbing. Just don't say it as it's obviously not accurate.

Is half the country losing its marbles ?

That's all I wanted to say except that I think raising this important issue is a much more productive use of this report than describing a manky game of hockey where we came second best. That's all.

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