Regular followers of the fortunes - or should I say calamities - of the Mens 2's may have noticed the absence of match reports over the last 2 weeks. There is absolutely no mystery about this and I can explain. Quite simply I have been totally unable to function caused by the side's inability to garner points from games in which the chums have been as good as or better than the opposition - to the extent that on returning home I have had to retire to my bed directly to recover. Even then I have not been able to put metaphorical pen to paper to record the grotesque events of the weekend for posterity - or even for the prurient interest of my readers.
The brutal facts are these. Over the last three Saturdays the 2's have scored 11 goals - more even than the 1's - against teams higher in the table than the chums but have collected only one point out of nine. Chiswick were presented with a 3-0 lead in the first 20 minutes and then pretty much outplayed for the remainder of the game which finished 5-3. This week Eastcote managed to score 5 goals from rather fewer chances than the chums who, nonetheless, put away four of their own.(For the less numerate among you and especially the dwindling number of Brookes students that made the final score Eastcote 5 The Chums 4).
Sandwiched between these two disappointments was the home game against Marlow which the chums at least managed to draw 4 - 4. A decent outcome you might think, loyal reader, save that the 2's were 4-2 ahead with 2 minutes left on the clock so, not a decent outcome at all, more a total debacle. Seriously you had to be there to confirm it had actually happened. Words fail me although capitulation might fit the bill.
I know that others have been similarly affected by these events. Fearless, for example, has not been allowed near the knife drawer since this desperate run of results started. Even more worrying Robbo's regular digestive work outs - so much a part of his pre match preparation - appear to have dried up altogether.
The impression that all is not entirely well with the side has been further enhanced by others behaving out of character. Our pet business Dragon , for example, knowing full well that he was required for the key game against Marlow quite deliberately booked an earlier Channel Tunnel crossing than he needed to (for his skiing holiday) and ,so, missed the game. Cue - much simulated wringing of hands and feigned remorse. On the very same day Stotty and Bertie turned up one hour early for the meet - something previously never heard of.
Three match shirts have gone missing over the last fortnight with those responsible 'fessing up immediately without having to be asked. But perhaps most extraordinary was the disappearance of our Celtic creator who left the field of play against Marlow, midway through the first half, apparently to keep an urgent appointment. He was not seen again.
All very odd and rather surreal.
So I hope you will understand I have had a very trying and disturbing 3 weeks.
I will do my best to ensure that there are no more failures on the journalistic front between now and the end of this rather odd season. Of course it would help a lot if the chums can mange to collect a win this Saturday against Wallingford. We seem to have exhausted every conceivable means of chucking away three points so we must have a chance - or will I be proved wrong yet again.
Is that Tony Pulis on the phone?